Brian Coleman describes the FBU.....

"A thoroughly unpleasant and nasty lot...Most are thick, can’t string a sentence together and frankly are incoherent."

These are Brian Coleman's sweet words of conciliation according to Evening Standard journalist: Ross Lydall, who has done some great reporting on the fire dispute in London.

To keep up to date with his reports, please see his blog and his Twitter feed.

Brian Coleman Hampered

Ross Lydall has a very interesting article in the Evening Standard today about the fortchcoming Fire Authority meeting on Thursday. I recommend you go and read it, but here are a couple of nuggets of information from it.

Outside, there'll be a protest to reinstate the suspended union activist and Queen's Fire Service Medal owner Sian Griffiths.

Inside, Councillor Navin Shah will be asking Brian 'Mr Toad' Coleman:

"The recent press coverage concerning the hospitality outlined below which was received by you from Asset Co prior to the award of a contract:

· Lunch to a value of £25 on 30 October 2007
· Dinner to a value of £50 on 23 July 2008
· A Harvey Nichols hamper to a value of £350 on 24 December 2008
· Dinner to a value of £40 on 19 January 2009

has been highly critical. Do you now accept that these actions reflect poor judgement and a lack of sensitivity on your part and will you now assure Londoners that such damaging conduct will not be repeated in the future?"

A good question - but I wouldn't hold your breath for a good answer from slippery Mr Toad.

Brian Coleman - Fanning the flames

As the increasingly bitter dispute within the London Fire Brigade rumbles on, fire chief Brian 'Mr Toad' Coleman has proposed cutting 16 per cent of London's fire engines.

What hope of any kind of resolution with this pig-headed fool at the helm?

As ever, Adam Bienkov has the scoop.

Toads Roads Undisclosed

Keen readers will remember that back in May, when Brian 'Mr Toad' Coleman was chosen as Cabinet Member for the Environment he croaked:
"My priorities are roads, roads, roads and roads."

The Barnet Press report that further to this, Mr Toad also boasted that all of Barnet's pothole repairs would be completed by the end of October. And moreover, it seems that this very same green-skinned councillor has vetoed the release of pothole repair figures to the press. Even worse, he's 'unavailable' to explain his reasons.

The Barnet Press is therefore more than a little cross with the amphibious councillor whom they savage marvellously in their latest editorial:

Jokes still allowed at Barnet Council

With the news today that Barnet council have banned mother-in-law jokes, I feel I should point that Barnet is far from being some sort of humourless place as it is often portrayed in some sections of the media.

Indeed, some jokes are positively encouraged at Barnet.

Take the recent leadership contest. Without doubt they were just fooling around in staging a leadership contest where some young upstart nearly takes the crown from such an established councillor. We were never really going to believe that of course - but it shows that humour is alive and well at Barnet. And what about the deep irony implicit in the massive pay hike joke voted through by Coleman's Conservatives. As if anyone could really be that greedy? How we split our sides. And of course there's the long-running and much-loved comedy partnership of Brian Coleman playing the straight man to Robert Rams' buffoonery that keeps us laughing all the way to the polling booths.

So now, in tribute to Barnet Council's comedy genius, and in line with the new policy of the outlawing of mother-in-law jokes, I'd like to present to you a selection of Brian Coleman jokes that I stole adapted from the Sun newspaper's joke page. NB - that link is NSFW if you work for Barnet council - but these, on the other hand, are perfectly acceptable:

LAST week my wife and I went to buy a car and the salesman asked if I wanted an airbag. I said: “No thanks. I already have a Brian Coleman.”

WHAT’S the difference between Brian Coleman and a vulture?
The vulture waits until you’re dead before it eats your heart out.

I TOOK Brian Coleman to Madame Tussaud’s chamber of horrors and one of the attendants said: “Keep her moving sir, we’re stocktaking.”

DID you hear about the man who threw Brian Coleman into the lion’s den at the zoo?
He’s being sued by the RSPCA for cruelty to animals.

WHY did Brian Coleman cross the road?
I don’t know, but it was an ugly sight.

WHAT are the two worst things about Brian Coleman?
His faces.

I HAVEN’T spoken to Brian Coleman for 18 months ? I don’t like to interrupt him.

I ALWAYS know when it’s Brian Coleman knocking at the door ? the mice throw themselves in the traps.

Brian Coleman and I were happy for 20 years.
Then we met

Brian Coleman's Freudian projection

Hot on the heels of the enormous fiasco over the Tories voting themselves a massive pay-rise (a proposal viciously whipped through by Brian 'Mr Toad' Coleman), and the consequent embarrassment caused by the resulting leadership challenge - Coleman's Tories have yet another embarrassment.

According to The Guardian, a report to the Audit Committee has just ordered Barnet to come up (finally) with a business case for the savage cuts they are planning to inflict on our services - including selling our libraries and sacking the wardens in our sheltered housing.

But hang on a minute, you may be thinking. This is Coleman and Co's flagship policy. Have they really failed to even get a business case for it?

I'm afraid so.

In the interests of fairness however, I should point out that although they may not have a business case of any kind, they are in possession of bags and bags of Thatcherite dogma. Will that do?

Understandably, the unions and Barnet's residents are more than a little furious about having their services cut simply to satisfy Coleman's Thatcherite urges. They had a successful meeting last night of around 200 angry people determined to mount a campaign against Coleman's monstrous foolishness (Click the link and scroll down for information about the next of these meeting).

And yet, in the Barnet Times, Brian 'no business case' Coleman has called them: "a complete shambles" and "a group of no hopers".

So what has all this got to do with Sigmund Freud and his theory of Freudian projection? Well, Wikipedia helpfully explains that an example of Freudian projection might be "...blaming another for self failure. The mind may avoid the discomfort of consciously admitting personal faults by keeping those feelings unconscious, and redirect their libidinal satisfaction by attaching, or "projecting," those same faults onto another."

Far be it from me to suggest that Fruedian projection is at the root of Coleman's behaviour of course. Its not as if he's going around accusing other people of being odious toads or anything.

Oh, hang on a minute...

"Boris dislikes Brian intently"

Who would have thought I'd have so much in common with Boris?

Pippa Crerar has the scoop at the Evening Standard.